It’s Valentine’s weekend, and while the majority of your rides this weekend will probably be for couples on dates, occasionally you’ll run into someone who is interested in you (and maybe vice versa!) We had senior RSG contributor Tyler Philbrook answer the lighthearted question of “what would you do if a passenger hit on you – and you liked them back?”
Tyler also offers scenarios and responses for you if you aren’t interested, plus some tips on staying safe.
According to a 2019 survey conducted by wedding company The Knot, 13% of couples said they met through work, and 30% of couples found their future partners while “going about their day-to-day lives.”
As gig workers, you’re not going to meet fellow employees, but you will run into passengers. If you hit it off, should you continue and try to grow a relationship?
Or, should you play it safe and possibly lose the love of your life?
Chime in on the discussion over at the RSG Facebook page!
This question came up as a topic in this Reddit post. The driver and Reddit poster had someone hit on him, and she asked for his Instagram information. He asked the Reddit community what he should have done, and if they had ever dated a passenger.
Some responses thought he should absolutely reach out, as the passenger did make the first move. Others felt he needed to not do anything because he could risk being deactivated.
What do Uber and Lyft have to say? And how can we protect ourselves in the times that someone hits on us, and we aren’t interested?
What Uber and Lyft Say
Before we dive into different situations and how you can respond, it’s important to note that Uber does have a policy pertaining to sexual assault and misconduct, which includes no flirting.
“We all value our personal space and privacy. It’s OK to chat with other people while remaining respectful. But please don’t comment on someone’s appearance or ask whether they are single. Sexual assault and sexual misconduct of any kind is prohibited. Sexual assault and misconduct refers to sexual contact or behavior without explicit consent of the other person.
Personal space and privacy should be respected. The following list provides examples of inappropriate conduct but is not exhaustive.
- Do not ask personal questions (for example, about relationship status or sexual orientation)
- Do not comment on appearance (for example, derogatory or “complimentary” comments)
- Do not make explicit comments or gestures (for example, slurs, or graphic or suggestive messages)
- Do not flirt (for example, nonverbal, suggestive flirting, or being too physically close)
- Do not display indecent material (for example, sexually suggestive objects or pictures)
- Uber has a no-sex rule regardless of whether you know the person or they give you their consent”
Now, Uber has to have a legal policy in place for things. As an independent contractor, you can do what you choose, but know that Uber can deactivate you for not following the policy. So if someone makes a complaint, it can lead to being deactivated and not being able to get out and make money.
However, as you know if you’ve been driving, odds are you are talking to your passengers, and sometimes you just hit it off. Sometimes passengers invite you to go to the restaurant or grab a drink, and it might not have anything to do with flirting with you! Some people are just chatty and friendly (as are some drivers).
Regardless of the reason for the invitation, if you feel things are going well, you make the ultimate decision on if it’s worth it or not.
That said, someone definitely flirting with you as a driver is an entirely different story. How you will respond depends on a variety of factors.
However, just always keep in mind that yes, you could be deactivated for this! That’s just the nature of driving for Uber and Lyft. Always have a dash cam in case things get weird!
Scenario 1: You’re Single, They’re Single, You Like Each Other
This might be the best case scenario for some drivers: you’re single, they’re single, and you hit it off. Is it rare? Probably!
In this scenario, you pick a passenger up, and you have a great conversation. Maybe there is even a little flirting, and you’d like to see if maybe there’s something there. You could do a few things.
First, you have the direct approach. “Hey, I really enjoyed this, I’d like to buy you a cup of coffee or something, can I get your number?” Honestly, this is the best way I can think of. If they say no, then that’s it, don’t make it weird, just say ok and go on.
Another thing you could do is try to find them on social media, and connect that way. I’m not a huge fan of this because to me it seems a bit creepy. However, with how everyone connects now online, some people may not find it that odd.
Scenario 2: You’re NOT Single, But They Are (And They’re Interested In You)
Most if not all drivers have been hit on, offered interesting “tips”, sometimes in creepy ways. However, sometimes you do meet someone and hit it off, but you’re already seeing someone else. In this case, it’s good to be open and honest about it.
For me, if I feel the conversation could be leading to something, I will mention my wife. A song comes on and I might say “oh this is one of my wife’s favorites”, or I picked them up from a restaurant and I may say “my wife and I went there last week, I got the chicken, what did you get?”
Maybe I do that too often, and things weren’t going to go down the road of them asking me out, but if I do save that one awkward moment, I’m good with it.
One reader shared with us that she has photos of her husband and kids in her visor, so whether it’s up or down, there’s someone (kids or husband) visible. She said for a lot of people, it’s a conversation starter, especially for other parents, and has the added benefit of subtly reminding people she has a husband and isn’t interested in flirting.
Scenario 3: You’re Single, They’re NOT Single, But You’re Interested In Them
Unlike the last scenario, it’s not always obvious if a passenger is in a relationship. They don’t have visors or ways to showcase their family photos, and unless they’re sitting with their partner or immediately start chatting about them, you might not know.
So let’s say they get in the car, you’re having a nice conversation, and you’d like to go out with them. If they’re not obviously sitting next to their partner or talking about them, you may consider asking to buy them a cup of coffee (similar to Scenario 1). However, what happens if they mention they’re seeing someone?
For me personally, I would never see someone if they were already dating someone else. You might feel differently, but in this scenario, I’d recommend just letting it go! You don’t want to keep asking someone out who’s mentioned they’re in a relationship, regardless of how much you like them.
However, what if they mention they’re in a relationship, but also mention being interested in you? For me, this is just drama, and I’d still recommend avoiding it.
This is also another reason that having a dashcam that records in the car is good too, because if there is a report about you later, you’ll have proof of what happened.
Scenario 4: You’re Just Not Into It
Our bread and butter as rideshare drivers are people out partying, and people who go out partying often have too much to drink.
This can lead to situations where people are hitting on you, asking you out, you name it, sometimes in front of their significant other!
Comment below if you’re ever been hit on by a passenger – I have, several times, and every single time it’s weird. Whether or not you think the person is good-looking, many of us drivers are just not into it.
I wish more passengers understood this – for lots of us, partnered or not, this is a job (yes, independent contractor, but still.) It’s how we make money. I don’t want to stop driving during a surge to get a drink with you.
How many drivers agree with this statement? “I don’t want to stop driving during a surge to get a drink with you.“
This scenario is last, but it’s probably the most common. Again, I can’t say this enough, having a dashcam will seriously help you after the fact to prove what happened. Take a look at our top recommendation below if you don’t already have one: Lyft & Uber Drivers: Vantrue N2S Review
Unfortunately, some passengers just won’t take the hint. If you have a passenger being overly aggressive, here are some ways to protect yourself:
- Pull over where it’s safe, somewhere brightly lit if possible, and exit the vehicle with your keys.
One of the first things you can do is pull over and tell them to get out. You are always in your right to do so if you feel unsafe. If they refuse, you can drive to a police station, or call the police to come to you if you feel completely unsafe.
- Stop driving for the night.
You can also stop driving at any time during the night. I had a bad experience one night, and just couldn’t mentally do it anymore, so I finished my night hours early in order to mentally cope.
- Report the person to Uber or Lyft.
You should definitely report the person to Uber or Lyft, especially if they make you feel unsafe or act aggressively, even if you didn’t have them get out of the car. At the very least, you shouldn’t be paired with them again.
While Uber and Lyft have many problems handling reported passengers (rarely do those passengers seem to get kicked fully off the platform), every report helps.
Takeaways for Drivers
Overall, this is meant to be a lighthearted “what would you do” during Valentine’s Day/weekend. While writing this article, I actually talked with a guy who did meet his now-wife while rideshare driving – and now they have kids!
Will it always work out that way? Definitely not! Is this a job, one you shouldn’t feel hassled at? Definitely! But if you’ve ever wondered ‘what if’, here are some scenarios and tips to handle the situation.
And as far as the guy from the Reddit post… he did mention that he gave the passenger his Instagram account and hopes she “hits him up!”
Have you ever gone on a date with a rideshare passenger?
-Tyler @ RSG
